One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
