Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
