It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
