i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
