i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
