Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
