and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
