____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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