you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize