You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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