fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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