i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
