If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
