so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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