In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
