i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
