Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
