If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He shit in the fireplace
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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