explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
