I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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