How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
