You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
