I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
