So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
