Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Houston, we have a blender
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
