walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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