He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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