i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
