So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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