So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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