I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
