Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
