we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
