dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
