You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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