You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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