the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
