there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
