She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
