i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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