That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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