He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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