Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
