Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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