his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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