My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
