So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
