My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
