moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
