I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
