I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
