This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
