Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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