she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
