There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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