Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come on in and take your pants off
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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