Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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