i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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