I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
