great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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