dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
ttyl tear gas
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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