I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
