glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
