Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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