somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
