Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
