Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
