It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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