If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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